The Return of the Breath

For some background, I used to meditate regularly since about 2018, with a fast noting style of meditation inspired by Daniel Ingram's MCTB. I've also dabbled with some Soto Zen sanghas, doing shikantaza. My earlier practices have improved my sensory clarity greatly, and I often notice sensations at a more granular level than I would have without the earlier concentration practice. Also, at some point, my breath started feeling really alive. If I pay attention to the breath for even a few moments, it will get really subtle and my attention will get sucked in -- accompanied by subtle body sensations like tingling on the head and piti (subtle electric sensations running down skin). I didn't really like the effects my practice was having (more on that another day) so I took a little break in 2021 or so.

For the past year, I've practiced opening awareness meditation, or shi-ne. Basically you dissolve conceptual thought, maintain panoramic awareness, and remain uninvolved. It's generally been really fruitful for me, with a greater experience of spaciousness in life off the cushion. It has also made me more appreciative of aspects of Buddhism, in a way that's more harmonious with the rest of my life. The current practice is weirdly giving me more of an appreciation for the compassion of Mahayana. For contrast, my previous practice made me want to renounce things, like alcohol or meat.

Some teachers advocate "scaffolding" practices for shi-ne, like paying attention to the breath to settle down or letting out a loud "HA" when you're feeling drowsy. When I meditate, I generally don''t tend to do any scaffolding, even if i'm in a really bad state (tired, hungry, anxious). I just feel like once I start doing scaffolding, I'll never be able to stop doing them because I'll get neurotically obsessed with manipulating my mental state or doing tricks. I also have a bit of an unkind zazen-style attitude at times, where if i get bored that's just life. Just sit longer, straighten up your posture, etc.

I started questioning this approach a little bit during a recent retreat.

There are some sensations that I associate with "heaviness" / lack of energy in my head that I thought were physical sensations. It's like brain fog, maybe some slight buzzing and very mild headache. Now I think they're maybe mental constructs. At the very least, waking up the subtle body makes them go away. It's possible that by being "aware" of them, I was actually further entrenching a reference point. Talked to a fellow yogi about how the mind's priors on bodily sensation are self-reinforcing. If you repeatedly experience heaviness or staleness or whatever, your mind will develop a stronger prior on experiencing heaviness in a self-reinforcing loop. The only way out is to develop a greater ability to relax when experiencing unwanted sensation, so you can unlearn the habit. The body seems to do this by itself given time, but there's no virtue in reifying unpleasant sensations by labeling them and repeatedly fixating on them.

I get lots of subtle body manifestations, like moderate / intense piti if i pay close attention to the breath. Sometimes my opening awareness sits get this too, but I have been wary of amplifying any bliss that arises. I think I can probably let go of this resistance, and allow these kind of sensations to arise. This has the pleasant effect of dispelling some less pleasant aspects of the subtle body like the aforementioned heaviness or chest tightness.

This realization applies equally well to life off the cushion. If I feel anxiety, I can just let attention go to the breth and dispell it. I don't have to magnify the discomfort, attach unpleasant labels to it, and fixate on it -- just so I can integrate it into awareness. This enables the body to exit self-reinforcing feedback loops of anxiety. Of course, sometimes the anxiety is a useful warning sign and provides energy for action. The synthesis here is not to "run" from discomfort. You can be kind to it, allow it to be "held" like a child. Pay attention to what the screaming child needs while you comfort it with the breath.

There's a question of whether this constitutes scaffolding, or whether it's merely a deeper level of relaxation and dissolution of mental constructs within opening awareness. I think it's a question of motivation. If you naturally want to pay attention to the breath and wake up the subtle body, then simply dropping your resistance and doing that is not scaffolding. As that process unfolds, you of course maintain panoramic awareness through it, rather than getting fixated on any pleasurable sensation. On the other hand, if it feels easier to just sit there, and you decide to go focus on the breath instead, that feels like scaffolding. Ie scaffolding is doing something extra that you have some resistance to.